Some people, who are able to actually watch the news for more than five minutes, may be aware of a certain person who was murdered 18 years ago based on the colour of his skin. I won’t mention his name, because if you don’t know who I’m talking about, then you are either ignorant, or, far less likely, is that my point has gotten through to you. If it’s the latter, well done, you can no longer express your opinion about it without setting up a blog with a pseudonym attached to it which is so boring that few people will ever see it.

See, the problem I have is that people don’t talk all that much about the fact that the event was a murder, but about the colour of his skin, and how the crime is a racist crime. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sit right with me.

Do you remember the episode of South Park where the character Chef tries to get the flag changed due its racist nature? That episode ends with the children not even seeing a difference in race, and merely thinking that it had a death on it. Sorry, spoiler alert.

This is what I think whenever I hear about the act that is racism, that it will only ever go away when we stop seeing differences within people. Morgan Freeman even said it. I don’t know the exact quote, and I’m too lazy to look it up, but he allegedly said that racism will not end until he is not thought of as a black actor, but as an actor. And Morgan Freeman is God, so what can you have against him.

A hate crime is made much worse because it is labelled as such. If I were to hate somebody (well, I hate many people) and I were to ‘take action’ so to speak (which I have never done), and the person were of the same race as me, it would be a murder that would be quickly forgotten. If they were a person of a different race, it would be a seen as far worse, even if my motivation was the same. (For the record, of the people I truly despise, only 1 was of African descent).

I’m not saying racism doesn’t exist. It does. I’m not saying crimes aren’t motivated by racism. They are. I’m not even saying that some institutions are not racist as a whole. Many are. I just think that people are approaching the serious issue in the wrong way. All races are the same once you peel the skin away. Maybe I just don’t understand how people can be racist. I don’t know.

That said, I think that homosexuals and females are equal to those who are not. But you can’t just ignore differences in the same way. I’m sorry potential gay reader; you can be the nicest guy in the world, but I will never marry you…or a civil partnership. But there is objection to you being with somebody else. Same approach for females. Sorry, it’s your job to give birth. In that way, I suppose I am a little sexist, but in all non biological terms, equal rights for all.

James Elmash.

I really wanted to do one of these based on the people I see on the way to school each day. There is the dog with the emo fringe that is being walked by a mother and small child with a bigger small child behind who always looks upset. There is the miscellaneous ginger child and his bus stop friends. Or there is that one. I called her the woman in the ankle length coat. Alky for short.

The woman in the ankle length coat always had the same black jeans, same brocade hat and the same purple earphones that played happy music just that little bit too loudly. She had black hair and looked a bit like a blue eyed version of my friend Gwen from junior school. I never talked to her or anybody on the way to school. But I used to try to imagine what their life would be like. Note the term used to.

See, about 6 months back, something changed. I don’t know what it was exactly, but something changed. Maybe the music from her earphones got more solemn, or maybe she finally turned the volume down, but my brief encounters with her seemed more lonesome.

About 4 months ago, I saw Alky again. Her head was low, and she was dragging her feet a bit. I didn’t pay much attention to it that day. Or the next. Or the day after that. After a while, she lost the earphones entirely.

The other day, that all changed. My encounter with Alky was closer to school. She was sitting down. Not sitting in a chair, or on a fence. Just on the floor, holding her knees. She seemed upset. When I got close, she suddenly got up and carried on, pretending I never saw her. The smudged mascara, reddish nose and watery eyes told me that she had been crying earlier that day.

Yesterday. Things were worse. She just continued sitting there. Weeping. I didn’t care to ask what was going on. It wasn’t my place. She would have just ignored me anyway, like everybody does. I carried on, a little sadder than I had been before.

I didn’t see the woman in the ankle length coat today. I even walked further up than usual. No sign of her. I don’t know if she’s sick, or had a day off work today, or if she’d just taken a different route today. But I can’t help but think the worst for her. Like I said, I used to imagine what the lives of the people I saw were like. When I see a happy person get gradually more depressed, and then they go away. Well, just imagine what happened to her, because I don’t want to think about it.

I never did ask her name…

James Elmash.

I really don’t say this very often but after having ran, jumped, lifted, heaved, screamed, cried, hid in corners, turned wheels, ran a little more, collected magical orbs, screamed some more and then ran a little more of my way through it, I have come to a very strong verdict that Amnesia: The Dark Descent is perhaps one of the best, if not THE best survival horror game of recent times. Developed by Frictional Games, the same team behind the Penumbra series (as my dedicated readers are firmly aware of), Amnesia represents an even greater beacon of ever scarcer optimism in an industry dominated by dull standardised game mechanics and run-of-the-mill storylines. However, like many independently-developed games, especially of the survival horror variety, the game boasts a number of niche elements which some may find very entertaining but others may find utterly deplorable so don’t be surprised if something I point out as being of “The Good” variety comes across as far too artsy-fartsy for a mainstream audience or if something of “The Bad” variety might work better in other games. But regardless, strap on your adult nappies, brighten the lights and keep an eye on all exits and safe, shadowy corners to dive for as we make a very… dark… descent.

The Good:

1. 1.      A distinctly Lovecraftian tale of death, darkness and other worlds

One of Amnesia’s bigger selling points that appealed to me in particular was the incredible amounts of atmosphere and mystery laced in the game’s main plot. The game takes place in the fictional Brennenburg Castle, located in what used to be East Prussia. Players take the role of Daniel, a young man from Mayfair, London in the year 1839. After waking up in a ruined hallway with no memory of where he is or why he’s there, Daniel treks through the dilapidated and foreboding chambers of Brennenburg, constantly haunted by voices, visions and reminders of a horrifying event in the recent past. After scouting his way to an old study in a crumbling section of the castle, Daniel discovers a letter written by himself before he was stricken with amnesia, telling him only one thing; to seek out and kill Baron Alexander von Brennenburg, the master of the castle, as redemption for a terrible disaster that both Daniel and the Baron have committed. With only a lantern in hand and his wits, Daniel must piece together the lost vestiges of his memory whilst evading unspeakable horrors in the soul crushing darkness of Castle Brennenburg. So yeah, you guessed it; this is a game about a man with amnesia in case the title forgot to mention that particular iota of information. Understandably, I was generally not all that convinced by Amnesia, I mean, who hasn’t seen a cliché story about amnesia at least once in their life? If it’s not a low-budget American TV drama that pulls the amnesia lever just for a quick excuse for the producers to write themselves out of a corner then it’s usually an over-the-top British soap opera like Hollyoaks that assaults our intelligence with the most over-used of plot devices in human history. But in Amnesia’s case, this age-old convention is executed surprisingly well through a combination of enigmatic letters and diaries left behind by Daniel’s pre-amnesiac self and the castle’s cursed inhabitants and sudden ghostly flashbacks he encounters that provide inklings of eerie exposition that paint a disturbing picture of the terror that Daniel is trying so hard to remember and yet so hard to forget at the same time. It’s these subtle details and mysterious images that eat away at the player’s mind; creating an intense feeling of dread and paranoia everywhere they go and thus creating a very atmospheric horror experience. The game also boasts three alternate endings (although one of them can be seen as more of a cinematic “Game Over” scene rather than an ending) which provides some vestibules of replayability, certainly more than the Penumbra games offered, and give players a number of moral choices in order to decide how their terrifying adventure comes to its climax.

1. 2.      If it’s not trying to kill you it’s usually incredibly gorgeous to look at

Much like its older survival horror siblings, Amnesia boasts some very powerful visuals despite running on a relatively low-demanding engine meaning that gamers with a budget computer can still enjoy the dazzling handiwork of Frictional Games without forking out masses of money to pay for a state-of-the-art tank of a machine that burns more energy in ten minutes than Shanghai in three months. However, this is not to say that budget players accustomed to the low-demand graphics of the Penumbra games should let down their guards; the engine that Amnesia uses has received several upgrades from its Penumbra predecessor so expect a slight drop in framerate when running Amnesia on the same settings as Penumbra. But having said that, the upgrades to the engine are worth the small penalty to performance with a much wider variety of high-quality colours (perhaps the best upgrade by far), lighting effects, water effects and textures which not only improve upon the already impressive features of the Penumbra games but completely revolutionise them. The castle also boasts a very welcome variety of unique locations within its walls such as a flooded archive room, a stately study, an overwhelmingly morose underground prison, an overgrown hall full of torture chambers and Baron Alexander’s satanic Inner Sanctum in the deepest, darkest crevices of Brennenburg. On some occasions I saw myself exploring every nook and cranny of a safe, monster-free area of the castle just to admire the incredible attention to detail that Frictional have made in creating a distinctly German gothic setting which proves to be both beautiful and yet very unnerving at the same time.

1. 3.      Not even balls (or ovaries) of steel and a Duke Nukem bravado can save you from the terrifying patrons of Castle Brennenburg

You’ve seen me harp on about how Amnesia is “atmospheric” and “beautiful” but also “eerie” and “frightening” and you’re probably sitting their wondering “yeah, yeah, blah blah posh boy, where’s the horror?”. That is indeed a very valid question but a question that once answered suddenly changes into “WHERE’S THE EXIT?!” as the monsters that lurk and the powers that be shamble from the darkness to tear hapless victims all new kinds of holes in all new kinds of places. Heck, I don’t even need to explain to you how scary the enemies in Amnesia appear; just look below and I’m pretty sure the picture speaks for itself.

To some of you he might not seem that scary behind the safety of this website but imagine trudging through pitch-black darkness, the screams and wails of innocents long since slaughtered bellowing from the halls, the detritus of death and decay strewn all around you and only the comfort of an unreliable and quickly-dimming oil lantern as you carelessly swing open a door, oblivious to the hallmarks of danger surrounding your every move, and that face suddenly leaps into yours like a bolt of monstrous lightning. That… is the kind of threat that pervades the entirety of Amnesia, the kind of threat that makes you too afraid to even leave the confines of a room or too anxious to pull a lever. All out of fear that those abominations will make an unwelcome visit, the very last visit you’ll ever have. What makes these encounters even more terrifying is the new “Insanity” system adapted from the panic feature mentioned in my Penumbra: Overture review. In Penumbra, hiding in the shadows had no real detriment other than the fact that you had to stay still in order to remain unseen. However, if you stared at an enemy for too long you would begin to panic and they would see you. Amnesia employs something similar to this except that the shadows are now both your greatest ally and your most formidable foe. Daniel has two life measures in the game; a heart where its level of degradation represents Daniel’s physical health and a brain which likewise degrades to represent Daniel’s mental health. While cuts, bruises and bites can be healed through resting or drinking medicinal laudanum, insanity is a much harder ailment to remedy. Everything that the player sees and does in Amnesia can drain Daniel’s sanity; objects moving and breaking on their own, insects appearing out of the walls and floors, staring at monsters that appear out of nowhere and, most notably, sitting in the dark for too long without a light. This might seem like a bit of a silly feature as it suggests that Daniel, a fully grown man, has comically not yet overcome his childhood fear of the dark. But comedy will end up being the last thing on your mind when you see the devastating effects that injuries to Daniel’s sanity can have on his survival skills. As Daniel starts to lose his grip on reality, strange things begin to happen in Brennenburg castle; imaginary bugs crawl all over his face, his motor skills and reactions deteriorate, hallucinations of monsters chase him through the halls and if the player makes no attempt to heal Daniel’s broken psyche then he will eventually pass out, making him easy prey for the abominations. It’s this combination of relying on the shadows for safety from the monsters but also shunning them for want of the light in order to stay sane but be more visible that makes encounters with Brennenburg’s monstrous residents all the more frightening as players have to choose between making a runna’ to keep hallucinations at bay but provoking the wrath of Brennenburg’s nasties or sitting tight and hoping those bugs decide to jump off your face before the monsters eventually sniff you out.

The Bad:

1. 1.      Haven’t I seen this all before?

While this might not seem like much of a problem for some people, especially newcomers unfamiliar with Frictional Games’ style, I couldn’t help but notice the all-too-apparent similarities between Amnesia and the Penumbra series. While it’s not uncommon for two games made by the same developer to bear resemblance to one another in terms of gameplay and presentation and I liked all of the Penumbra games for what they were, I always prefer it when a developer tries to branch out and create something completely new in every sense of the word whilst still retaining a distinctive style that fans can be comfortable with. While Amnesia brought a lot of new ideas to the plate, stripping Frictional’s two games bare to their core formulae exposes that ultimately Amnesia and Penumbra are exactly the same; a young British man in search of a greater truth in the possession of an elder from their pasts, monsters that were formerly human attempting to block his path, the protagonist fighting for survival in a claustrophobic and incredibly hostile environment whilst being isolated with very little assistance from human characters, an alien intelligence at the core of everything, etc, both games follow exactly the same logic, a bit like Stephen King’s entire written works. For others this might not seem all too bad and they may even enjoy the adaptation of this formula into different situations but for me I felt like I was just playing a re-imagining of Penumbra on some occasions which made the experience not as unique as I’d hoped.

1. 2.      These aren’t puzzles; these are quests from World of Warcraft!

One of the staple features of any survival horror game is the use of puzzles to block the player’s path and encourage them to observe their surroundings, think logically and analyse notes and clues in order to unlock a door, open a chest, activate a machine or perform some other miscellaneous task to help them progress to the next area of the game. But referring to Amnesia’s “puzzles” as such would be the very definition of “bullshit”. Unlike its spiritual predecessors, the Penumbra games, wherein you had to manipulate objects to forge a path to the next room by using the physics engine or you had to activate a machine in a certain fashion to facilitate safe passage through a dangerous path, Amnesia’s puzzles have far too much in common with the ubiquitous “gathering” quests seen in such massively-multiplayer online games as World of Warcraft (pro tip: that’s not a good thing) which merely involved running around the environment searching for items like a measly errand boy rather than any kind of video game hero. Very rarely is the player encouraged to use the game’s impressive physics engine in any intelligent way in order to solve any problems and when they are, the solution is usually incredibly simple and requires little brainpower or effort on the player’s part. Literally the first “puzzle” in the game is searching for ingredients to produce a powerful acid that can be used to burn through a wall of flesh blocking your path. This requires no memos that provide cryptic clues to the solution, no enigmatic riddles for the player to ponder over, no intricate manipulation of a piece of machinery; absolutely none of the hallmarks that make great survival horror puzzles. Some of you might think I’m nitpicking with what you would see as a relatively “minor” part of the game but for all the attempts made by Amnesia to bring back some of the greatness of such critically acclaimed survival horror classics as the Silent Hill series which boasted incredibly well thought-out and well-constructed puzzles that were both challenging and relevant to the plot, this just seems like a really weak effort.

The Ugly:

1. 1.      Look out! It’s the many, many children of the Blob! … was I meant to be scared by this?

Another common threat that Daniel faces in the halls of Castle Brennenburg is not the mangled and disfigured minions of Baron Alexander or the ravenous spirits that lurk in the waters of the sewers. This threat is something of the more… fleshy… variety. From time to time the darkness will attempt to put a stop to the player’s goals by spawning large pink blobs of man-eating science goop all over the walls and floors that will slightly injure Daniel should he stand on them or walk into them but are otherwise completely harmless. When you consider the horrifying designs of the castle’s resident nasties (see The Good, section 3) and compare them to these carnivorous dollops of melted Starburst that can’t move, it’s very easy for the player (or maybe just me) to just throw back their heads and laugh at this frankly goofy attempt by the game to try and kill you.

1. 2.      Just because it’s the 1800s, we all have to be frightfully posh! And Germans have American accents too!

Frictional Games has a somewhat tedious habit of tight-casting their main characters as stiff-upper-lip BBC presenters, the protagonist in particular who is always a young and intellectual British man from London. I have no qualms about British people being represented more in the video game industry. Heck, I wholeheartedly encourage it, but when you use the same kind of character more than once with very few changes, it probably won’t hurt to seek a bit more variety; like an Average Joe from the streets of Manchester or a Royal Marine from the West Country. We don’t all exist as one socio-economic group and we certainly don’t all talk like George Alagiah. Oh, and it might help a bit to hire someone better to voice your German villain too; he sounds more like Donald Trump’s evil step-uncle than the Prussian baron of a doomed castle.

Final Verdict:

It’s certainly no triumph of the human spirit and it doesn’t always hit the right notes when it comes to originality, realism or academic stimulation but when it has you fleeing and bellowing in terror from the Eldritch abominations spawned by the tortured minds of Swedish artists, barricading yourself behind a fortress of crates and vehemently refusing to open a door in order to stay sane and safe, you know you’ve got the best damn horror game of the decade.

I know it may be hard to believe, but somehow, I made it onto world challenge. If you fit the age group, you will be told about it. If you are part of the cross section that don’t fit one of the year groups that can go, and are reading this, then you (and it is probably just you) should probably start reading another article. Also, for once, I will not end this by telling you to ignore everything I say, these are actual rules that will help.

1. Mess tin. No matter how brilliant the bowl you see may be, no matter how great you think it is, just get a mess tin and a mug.
2. 3 man tent. These leak less and are warmer than their 2 man counterpart. Make sure you are in a group of three
3. Know about the Isreal-Palastein conflict. I don’t, and it was to my detriment when the others discussed this.
4. Cry silently. Crying is annoying and loud. I have no sympathy with those who cry. So if you insist of leaking valuable water from your tear ducts, do so silently, and cover your eyes.
5. Sunglasses. Wear them at all times. It keeps the dust out, the sun out, and stops people from seeing where you are looking, or the tears that you are crying silently in accordance with rule 4.
6. Choose your nickname. This can mean the difference between something awesome and something insulting.
7. Do not have any genetic connection to the place you are going. This will lead to endless questions that you do not know the answer to.
8. Know a few card games. It helps. A lot.
9. Have a walking tune. Most of us used “Buffalo soldier” as sung to the group…Nobody else knew Leven Polkka, which I think is a much better walking song. (by the way, I checked, that is the correct spelling for “Polkka)
10. Know who is in the charts when you leave. Even if you don’t think your music taste is obscure, people may not know entire songs by Schmoyoho like you do.
11. Use hand sanitizer like there is no tomorrow. This will help you stay healthy.
12. Never go over budget for anything. This makes the group angry, and you will be slaughtered
13. Listen to the adults. You may think you are smart, but you have no clue what is going on where you are. So sit the **** down, and shut the **** up.
14. Learn something to recite to yourself when you are bored. That says it all really.
15. Poles. Bring walking poles, they are very useful and you will suffer without them.
16. Learn to shout at people. If somebody won’t stop singing “Friday”, or you are sick to death with the discussions concerning the relative merits and disadvantages of communism, it helps to be able to loudly and rudely express your distaste and boredom of being able to hear it all the time.
17. Don’t “Change as a person”. This is a massive cliché and is just pretentious and annoying to others. Personally, the only change I achieved was a tan and I get hungrier now. You arrive as a horrible person of no virtue or worth, you return a horrible person of no virtue or worth.
18. AA batteries. People who had cameras that took AA batteries did not have their cameras be useless before the rest and relaxation section. Believe me, this is a bummer if it happens.
19. Get a ring. I probably shouldn’t say this here, but I will anyway. If you have a ring, and you get the urge to hurt somebody’s face using your fist, having a ring will mean it hurts more. (disclaimer, nobody got punched during our expedition, and do not actively try to hurt other people, it is mean)
20. Drink until it hurts. It is the only way you stand a chance at drinking the amount you are told to.
21. If you do a log or diary, do it in the same time and place as the others. It is more social that way, and means you don’t waste time and space elsewhere.
22. Don’t miss. If you use a toilet, don’t miss, it makes the next visit distinctly unpleasant.
23. Reveal nothing of your life at home. This is just to keep those of you who are paranoid safe from later blackmail. If forced to answer, just lie. A lie with a little hint of truth in is just as good if you can keep a straight face. Believe me, it is a lot of fun to lie in those circumstances.
24. Bring a book. And not a book you made yourself, but an actual book. It is handy for boring situations where the poems and songs you know are all used up.
25. Keep these. Print off this article, and keep it with you during the whole expedition, it will help you.
26. Don’t be a hero. Heroes die. (okay, I stole that one from Zombieland, but it still holds true)

James Elmash.

Give An Hour – BBC School Report by Brad & Co from BillericaySchool on Vimeo.

Give An Hour – BBC School Report by Matthew & Co from BillericaySchool on Vimeo.

Who would you give an hour to?

When you are as filled with self loathing as I am, you often hear people tell you to be confident. This is the least useful advice since “If a bird poos on your head, its good luck” despite the fact you still have poo on your head. Let me explain.

There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Confidence, which is deemed to be a good thing is (as the dictionary says) “The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust”, whereas arrogance is defined as “overbearing pride evidenced by a superior manner toward inferiors”. Overbearing pride…this is where the line is blurred. See even though I get the difference in my head, when that tries to transfer into what I actually think, they merge.

It seems to be the case that if a person whose abilities are, well, I’ll just say it; lacking, then if you tell people that you are going to do something great, and then you fail, you look like a fool. If you say that you will do it badly, then people’s reaction will be no worse than what you said it would be. It may not great to hold yourself low, but it’s not as bad as bragging about something and then failing at it miserably.

Sometimes, you will be told that all the best things, like jobs, or social rankings, occur through confidence. This is a downright scary concept. See, even if I got it into my head that I was going to act confidently, and got this far…would I not simply be an imposter? Wouldn’t I just be acting in the complete reverse to the core principles of what I am? (Those being low self image, nostalgia, humour and laziness). Wouldn’t the really confident people see right through me? If they didn’t, wouldn’t that hint that maybe they too were imposters? Maybe nobody is truly confident. Or maybe they are just easily fooled. Surely that isn’t a good thing either, that puts all the confidence in vain.

I was once told that “it’s not arrogance if you’re actually better than them”. This is very true. But I’m nothing special. I am better than no man, woman, both, neither, animal, or rock. Maybe I’m on par with the rocks, but that’s just insulting to rocks. The point being that I’m not “actually better than them”, so it will be arrogance. This is not a good thing. Arrogance is not looked upon well. If you have a confident walk, maybe some people will think that you are a confident happy person who has their life in order, but most will just thing you are walking like an idiot. But if you walk like you are a nobody, you will be quickly forgotten. I see the latter option as a good thing.

I suppose that confidence is a bit of a catch 22 scenario. If you have it, you can get more. If you lack it, you can’t really get started. But right now, it’s not a big issue to me. I have no objection to having an invalid opinion, or not being listened to, (I talk a lot more than people think I do). I don’t mind in the least if I’m forgotten by history, or if I don’t change the world…no…not in the least…

James Elmash.

I had believed I had stopped getting so nervous over a lot of things, my first ever job interview at Marks & Spencer when I was 16, I was terrified but each time I did something more that expanded on my confidence I felt better. Today I felt I was close to shaking until I couldn’t walk. Half with excitement and half through my nervousness. It was my first of three days at the BBC where I would be participating in work experience on the newly situated ‘Chris Moyles Quiz Night’. Decades of iconic television have been created in the BBC Television Centre building and my sense of being overwhelmed could not be described. Maybe I was two-thirds excitement.

I arrived around 10am after taking copious amounts of photos on my phone of the outside of the building. I then found myself lost. If you come across a map of the BBC you’ll find that it is basically a circle. A circle that goes round and round. On my first day I came across the sets of BBC show ‘Mock The Week’ and Channel 4 Friday night favourite ‘8 out of 10 cats’ before finally finding the set of the ‘Chris Moyles Quiz Night’ which was hidden between the two. To clarify, the role of a runner is to do the tasks around the office that need doing. My first job was to fill the dressing rooms for that evening and then to sort out food and refreshments for the Green Room. The Green Room was very important on this day as none other than American Hollywood comedian Will Ferrell was on the show, so I was told many Channel 4 executives would be coming down to watch. So we set to work on the Green Room for the approaching 50 or so guests that evening (including Will Ferrell’s mother who looks like Will Ferrell in a wig), going to the local Westfield for supplies. I must have entered that Westfields at least 10 times but I didn’t care. I was at the BBC! British Television seemed to ooze from the building and awe was expressed on my face the whole day.

I went home that evening ecstatic, after the recording of a very funny show but also after having had my picture taken with the TARDIS, which was the pinnacle of my life considering the huge Doctor Who fan I am. Bare this in mind when I entered the lift on my second day and came face to face with a certain 10^th Doctor, David Tennant. I could have screamed and I did when I left that day. I mean I still have posters of him on my bedroom wall. But in a professional manner I did not even flinch in the elevator as I contemplated what this meant to me. Wow. Moving on, I did see more than just David Tennant that day. I spotted Harry Judd (McFly) and Holly Valance both in the reception arriving for their ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ training or filming; also Vincent a dancer on ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ offered me the lift. I did decline as I was going down and he was going up. This day I also saw David Walliams and Jimmy Carr having a chat and subsequently Pixie Lott and John Barrowman when I visited the set before a shoot. On the second day we had two shows in one day so it was all systems go and I did not stop all day. If it was sitting in a rehearsal for JLS (I was Oritse), meeting Chris Moyles, coming across the Blue Peter garden, actually participating in the quiz, getting JLS their dinner or cleaning out their 2 (filthy) dressing rooms, I loved it. The next day, my last, was slower but more relaxed as all the team calmed down from the events the day before. My biggest job of the day was going to Westfields for Ruth Jones (Gavin & Stacey) and having to be back in 15 minutes. It was a task but I did it and was pleased. I stayed longer that night than the previous to watch most of the show and helping out when needed.

It was three twelve-hour days but it went as quick as a flash. I received a lovely e-mail by the Production Co-coordinator a few days later and it made it all worthwhile. The BBC is an amazing place just to be able to walk around and I felt very privileged for my work experience there. My three days there gave me an inspiring insight into the life behind the camera and hopefully experience I can learn and gain from.

Next blog! I meet the 11^th doctor in a more conventional and less interesting place than an elevator and I talk about my love for the best television show on earth, my current situation and Christmas.

Twitter: @notkeef

YouTube: notkeef

Or I am now on Tumblr! Under notkeef as well.

Staff

Mr Stokes, Dr Saich, Mr Sims.

House Captains

Lewis Langenberg,  Susan Hewitt

Student Voice

Nafiza Uddin            Kirsty Barrett           Alex Swan     Amy Ross     Alex Becalick            Peter Vaughan            Courtney Sinclair Miller    Jack Hooker

At the student voice meeting we have come up with 5 main issues. 

1)    Toilets

The first is the toilets, A-block in particular. This is because of the metal toilet seats, poor hygiene so no soap, poor tissue dispenser this is all especially in A block. We then came up with a list of suggestions, Bins in the toilets for general waste, better ventilation/ air fresheners to get rid of the smell, plastic toilet seats, new sinks with taps that work and finally a named member of staff who’s job it is to check the toilets after each break time.

School Initial Response

This is going to be discussed with the School Governors at the Premises Committee meeting.

2)    Food and Drink

We also found students were struggling with both cost of food and water fountains. The water fountains are becoming unhygienic and are starting to not work. As for cost, to buy a bottle of water in the vending machine it costs 70p then from D block it is 60p; are we really paying 10p extra for it to be cold? The prices of food are getting too high and some students are deciding to not eat because of it. If students do not eat, concentration levels will go down.

School Initial Response

This will be discussed with The Governors in the Catering Committee meeting.

3)    Social Spaces

Social spaces are becoming an issue because there is a lack of them and some students are getting confused as to where they can go. Although year 7’s are finding year 10/11 intimidating in A block there is no alternative for the older students to go. We think in the new buildings we can have more designated areas for the older students to enjoy.

School Initial Response

Mr Sims has asked Mr Stokes to set up a Student Voice group to look into possibilities to increase social spaces as the school building programme continues.  

4)    PE Changing rooms

The PE changing rooms is unhygienic, too hot, smells, too small, too many people are spraying deodorant and students feel the showers are unnecessary.  They would like lockers in the changing rooms to improve security, better ventilation, shower curtains and more space. We understand the showers are necessary but they do not even work and girls are too self conscious to use them without any privacy.

School Initial Response

This is going to be discussed with the School Governors at the Premises Committee meeting.

5)    New Buildings

Students did also not understand the building, what was happening, when it would be done, what was to come. Mr Sims came and explained to student voice what was going to happen but we cannot tell every other student in the school. We feel it would be beneficial to have an assembly on it t o tell students, especially in the younger years what was being built.

School Initial Response

Mrs Hammond /Mr Sims to go through the building programme in assemblies.

Students to be selected to tour the site.

More detailed feedback will be given to Student Voice once the issues raised have been discussed by Governors,

It was the most surreal day of my life.

Celebrity Juice is currently filmed at Riverside Studios and this is where I found myself on Wednesday 31^st August. First on the agenda, a tour. A runner, Josh, took me around the studio where I was told I was to be a stand-in for one of the celebrities due to be on the show later that day. Here’s where the fun began. I was miked up and told that for this show I would be Rochelle from The Saturdays, cue my automatic response from watching the show, this would mean a storm of crude and inappropriate jokes. I was not wrong.

One of the producers initially stood in for the shows host Keith Lemon and to start off I felt that this would be how the day and rehearsal would continue. That was until Leigh Francis aka Keith Lemon appeared on set with his usual striking laugh singing his own rendition of The Wanted’s number one single ‘Glad You Came.’ At this point I had expected a day of mindlessly waving at a camera and talking to professional runners, researchers and producers about their jobs but the second Keith Lemon came onto set it was like everyone sat up and wanted to look good while deciding on their best joke. I must say my heart did begin to pound but in essence he is essential just a normal person really and thus I began to treat him as such, by not talking to him but listening and hoping he realized I didn’t exist.

Then it began, The Saturdays jokes and I realized if I want to get into this television business I had to put my whole heart into it and be myself. Well maybe an exaggerated version of me. Keith himself was very naturally funny and would not stop singing The Wanted’s song for the rest of the day so it was in our heads till I went to bed that night. I laughed and read the script until the moment of truth came. Rochelle (me) was meant to get into a bed at the side of the stage, with Keith, while he pretended to do ‘stuff’ under the covers (if you watched the first episode of the new series you’ll know what I had to do). Firstly Keith and I made idle chat about the recent Inbetweeners Movie and what he watched on television (look at me chatting as if he’s my friend, this is what happens!).

I watched and saw how these people, the producers, tell people, celebrities, like Keith what to do and can control a whole television show. These people are the backbone of television and how it is made. When I stood in the Production Office while the show was shot later that day, I realized just how much we rely on those we see in front of the camera when we forget about those behind it. These people create something that is watched and enjoyed by huge amounts of people. I felt proud just to be there on work experience so it was just an insight into how accomplished these people must feel at the end of the day.

After lunch I stood in for the rapper Example on the second show in the series where I was asked to perform in a rap battle with Keith Lemon which I dealt with in my true fashion, lots of laughter and a bright red face. We rushed through the last part of the show just before the audience arrived and I was sent back to where my day began, the corridor where the dressing rooms were situated. Here I saw the following people: Fearne Cotton (who was very smiley and had the best shoe collection), Holly Willoughby (who smokes! Shock), Joe McElderry (asked me where the toilets were, my claim to fame), Mark Wright (seemed very stuck-up but had a nice chat with his mum), Rochelle Wiseman, Dave Berry, Diva Fever (claimed to have inside information on this year’s X Factor), Doctor Carl Kennedy (from Neighbours), Alex Reid, Example (who did say Goodbye to me) and lastly Loose Women’s Denise Welch.

I left the studios after ten hours with the biggest smile on my face. I realized that this is really what I want to do. Whether I begin at the bottom or wherever, I want to be able to stand back and feel I have completed something to the best of my ability. The Production Co-coordinator promised to keep in touch and the Chris Moyles Quiz Night work experience is coming up so will be in the next blog!

Twitter: @notkeef

YouTube: notkeef