Guys, you wonder why the hell we hate you from time to time. You wonder why we spend so much on clothes and have so little interest in football. You always ask what women want. Well, here’s our answer. Well, sort of. This is a stereotypical girl’s life, filled with bubbles, beauty and everything ‘girlie’. Yes, it’s a label, but it’s an insight to a woman’s mind.
Newborn: “You Are My Sunshine” by Elizabeth Mitchell
Within the first few minutes of us entering the world, and immediately we’re wrapped in a pink blanket and being cuddled by every relative in our immediate family. And some other relatives, depending. But still- we’re automatically labelled as the typical pink-lovin’, frill-wearing, teddy-hugging girl. Some of us fit this stereotype. Many do not. Yes or no, we’re still greeted with a shiny, fluffy, obviously-going-to-be-ruined cuddly toy. Why are we constantly harassed by these horrendously cutsie, Chuckie-style dolls? Simple, it’s due to our lack of Y chromosome.
Aged 8: “A Tale As Old As Time” in Beauty and The Beast
Every girl wants to be a princess. The whole world is lost to make believe games and wishes as we are overtaken with Disney inspiration. But the boys don’t want to play along with all the smoochy love stories in the Disney films, despite how many kisses you give them during kiss chase. But really it’s the typical playground crush with all the “girls smell” and “eww you have cooties” because us girls are thought to be gross.
Aged 12: “My World” by Avril Lavigne
The dreaded moment when your mum drags you to the underwear department of M&S. When your new uniform makes you look like the Grim Reaper’s apprentice. When all of your problems are magnified 10000 times, including the little slip down the hallway. Every aspect of “normal life” becomes really complicated, from the way you look to the way you feel. Damn you hormones. Let’s recap to GCSE biology: hormones in a female cause curves to appear, mood changes to become frequent and the dreaded stomach cramps that tell you what’s coming up later this month. Oh what joy.
Aged 16: “I’m Not A Girl But Not Yet A Woman” by Britney Spears
Seeing Robert Pattinson or Ryan Reynolds on the TV makes you drool and dream of “real” men- but then you come back to reality and still see the nose-picking, dirty-talking boys of your year. Nevertheless, you still get drawn in… only to get your heart broken. This is followed by lonely nights on the sofa breaking open the pots of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, confiding in yourself as ‘Love Actually’ or ‘Definitely, Maybe’ runs for the thousandth time on your bedroom telly. On top of that, there’s the stress of exams and the feeling of impending doom when your teacher sits you down and asks: “So, my lovely, what do you see yourself doing when you’re older?” Some can confidently relay their life intentions, but for the majority of us the future is just one big blackhole in the universe of unknown.
Aged 18: “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper
Get drunk. Party hard. Hangover the next morning. Repeat. Simples J
Aged 21: “I Kissed A Girl” by Katy Perry
You’re in uni and studying has become the norm- so it’s fun to have a bit of experimentation in your life. Katy Perry is an example- highlighting this perfectly in her debut single.
Aged 25: “Single Ladies” by Beyonce
You cuddle up to your boyfriend-for-two-years. He complains of being too hot. You get up extra early to put on makeup the way he likes it, iron his clothes, make him breakfast, pack his bags, and he just walks out of the door with his mobile resting on his shoulder. At this age, whilst we start thinking about tying the knot and settling down, men have other ideas. They enter into the iconic age of Commitment Phobia, something that every woman dreads and every man denies. Meanwhile, your new employer starts analyzing your every move as you try to climb the ladder of the industry. Or just laze about in the staff room.
Aged 30: “Working Nine ‘Til Five” by Dolly Parton
Everything in life happens at 30. You’ve got a job, a house, a man, and perhaps even children. Well, hopefully. However, it’s soon becomes a cycle of WORK, WORK, WORK, constantly wanting to pull your hair out at the sheer stress of juggling employment and home. And yet, we would never change it for the world.
Aged 40: “It’s a Man’s World” by James Brown
We say men are victims of the mid-life crisis, but actually, that could be the pot calling the kettle black. It’s the sudden realization that you’re stuck in a rut, with moaning kids, a good-for-nothing husband and a demanding boss. Welcome to your life: never-ending stress. It’s the age of reliving, trying new stuff you should have done at university, actually doing those things on your “Experiences before I die” wishlist, and finally ignoring the crap coming out of everyone else’s mouths. You finally think about yourself again and break the chain of black-and-white living. If you’re lucky, your husband will be supportive and possibly join you. If not, he’ll think you’re a nutcase and the divorce attorneys will be contacted. Without a doubt.
Aged 50+: “Que Sera Sera” by Doris Day
By now we all hope that we have settled down. Finally found that man we want to grow old with and spend the rest of your years watching your grand kids grow up. At this age we are the figure head of the family, the one who everyone looks up to and respect. Hosting Christmas dinners and family parties is something that is now our time to stress about. Then of course the best bits with the man you will always be in love with now; the seaside holidays, licking ice-creams on the beach and going for romantic picnics. Winding down your life slowly with the perfect man by your side to admire the perfect family you have finally made.
By Lian, Jaz & Beth
